im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
