Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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