we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
