im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
