and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I die, sorry about rent.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
