his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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