Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just found a bag of teeth...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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