you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
