It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
