Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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