did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
