it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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