If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
