i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
