everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
