so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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