Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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