Fuck appropriateness.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
