so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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