I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This toilet bowl is my home.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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