You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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