Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
