Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
