I think I won the penis lottery.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
