i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hippo gnu deer
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
