it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
