i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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