We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
