I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
