The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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