I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Barsexuality is the new black.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
