Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
