i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
