dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
