spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
