Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
