So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
