It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
