The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
