You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
