new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
