the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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