2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh god the rape fog is back!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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