How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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