he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
