I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
