So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
