Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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