So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
