I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
