Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think people are normalizing furries
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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