Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
