From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
