Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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