We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
