the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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