Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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