being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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