Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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