How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
