i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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