So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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