While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
