My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
