And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
