idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
