i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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