remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
