Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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