I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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