Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
