We're facebook friends in real life
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
