I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
