Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
